rantingranting.

I understand that there are people who can do everything. But I'm a retarded child. It's hard to keep focus in school, and homework. I get so distracted and I feel so dumb when i can't get what i'm learning. I'm going crazy with ocd. When i see an ant, or I'm stressed out, i have an insane urge to scream and just clean. I prefer staying in now, && sometimes it so much easier to dream then to stay alive. I'm much more paranoid then i normally am, and get so depressed so much more easily. I experience a lot more anxiety more then i have ever felt.

So i'm sorry auntie, I cannot live up to your expectations. Because i am dumbassfuck, i cannot keep up with my studies, be involved with church, and still be home to be a dutiful daughter that i put above everything. Not to mention my friends which i can hardly see. You are not my mom, you cannot tell me to go get a job, when my mom doesn't even force me to go. My mom tells me to do what i want as long as it makes me happy.

I don't care that "she" can work and go to school. She needs* that money so she can go visit her "boyfriend". So she can fulfill her materialistic needs. I assure you if i went and got a job, most of the money would be in the bank, or in my stomach. I would be one fat child that you wouldn't even love. Stop comparing me to her. Not only is there an age difference but an amount of education difference. She has 4 classes this semester and 3 next semester. I have 5 both semester. Do you have any idea how much work that is?

You make me so upset sometimes.